I Confess

[Petitbois]

It is time I came clean.
There are pictures out there and I want to get outfront of the uproar that is sure to come.

In my youth, I displayed a staggeringly woeful lack of sensitivity for which I am deeply sorry.
In 1958 I attended a party to which I wore a costume, trying to depict a cowboy.
My costume consisted of a long sleeve shirt, a rope tie, a western wide brimmed hat, brown leatherette chaps over jeans, and western boots.
On my hip I had a strapped-on holster and toy gun.
I realize now that by trying to look like a Texan, I was ridiculing cowboys everywhere, and for that I apologize. It was stereotypical, and wrong. Though my friends at the party thought I was paying tribute to tv cowboys like the Lone Ranger and Roy Rogers, it has been pointed out to me that my efforts were mocking cowboys, saying that Texans, and by extension, Albertans, are rugged outdoorsmen, self-sufficient, strong individualists.
By wearing a toy gun I was suggesting that American cowboys are redneck arseholes who believe that guns should be revered as a natural inherent part of manhood.
I thought I was having fun, but I was hurting others.
I didn't know it at the time, but I do now.
I apologize profoundly.

On several other occasions I dressed as a woman, donning female clothes, even to the point of wearing lipstick and a blonde wig and fake breasts, and- this is very difficult to admit- nylons!
Once I dressed as a cheerleader, and my date, Ellen, wore my smelly football uniform to a party in Stewarttown.
Obviously I was deliberating trying to demean women by wearing the very things I loved about them! It was xenophobic, sexist, chauvinistic, and completely below contempt.
For that I am deeply sorry.
I hope that Ellen feels the same way- dressing as the opposite sex, especially an ultra-masculine football player, was at the deepest level, pure evil.
The shame is awful! I am sure that several of the girls at the party who dressed as men are equally embarrassed and contrite....the priest, the fireman, the cop.....so wrong.
We must understand that the attachment of long horns to a brass cup to imitate a Viking helmet brings denigration and ridicule to all of Norse heritage.


After considerable reflection and soul-searching, I now call for a complete ban on costume parties as racist!
Ban Hallowe'en too.....look at the hurt and pain we inflict on others by teaching our children to try to look like someone they are not.
Hell, we should consider banning makeup too!
And breast implants.
And dyed hair.
And hairpieces.
And fake eyelashes.
And thicksoled shoes- we KNOW you are short. Deal with it!
And those insensitive Canadians who flee the cold winter here: Stop coming back tanned and darkskinned and healthy looking.
You are only trying to shame your Caribbean hosts by darkening your skin.
Go back to your pale sickly natural skin tones and regain your self respect.
We know white men can't jump- (they made a documentary about it)
Stop trying!

[Mark Llew]

I feel your pain, Peeb, for I too am guilty.

Many, many years ago while I was a student at GDHS I played one of the leads in Ali the Cobbler -- not only that, I stooped so low as to wear a pseudo-turban! I know you want to say, "But Mark, you were only 13 years old. And besides, who could say No to Miss Knocker !" But it was still wrong. What's worse, I wanted to wear a fez instead of a pseudo-turban, but I couldn't find one.

It's a good thing the good Doctor DoRk wasn't around then, else I would have dressed up as him... and I would have meant to mock him!

[John_Bailey]

I never did any of that but because of you two idiots I get blamed too. I hope you are happy.

[Mark Llew]

Well, of course we're happy! It's like the time in Grade 5 when Peeb farted in class. It was so loud that everyone turned round to look at him. So naturally Peeb turned round too and looked at the kid behind him. Who then got the credit for the fart !

But we'd be happier if you earned your own blame... I've got lots of brown shoe polish and I could quickly deke up to Erin. I'll bring my camera and a long towel that you can wrap around your head. Once the pics hit GTOL you'll be the toast of the town !

[John_Bailey]

I wondered what that noise was, it was heard all the way over to grade 3.