Alas! the pernicious effect of democracy on the moral fibre

[ScourgeoftheFaithless]

We write this epistle to Our followers in a troubled spirit of both remorse and dismay.

We have realized, much too late, that holding Ourselves aloof from the electoral fray has resulted in the forces of godlessness prevailing. Were it not for Our principled avoidance of the whorish pandering to the rabble that We witnessed leading up to October 19th, the forces of Right might have won the day.

Instead, We watched as that wanton gigolo became Prime Minister. He would be well-advised to pay heed to the path of the True Faith, rather than to his Sunni Ways, as he so tellingly puts it, lest a tremendous smiting befall him.

His sinful acts over the last few weeks are already too numerous to list. However, one of the most egregious is his packing of the cabinet with a bevy of wanton harlots. “Because it’s 2015”, the brazen, godless reprobate says, in his witless way. Where are the males of these trollops’ households? Where are the steadying influences that the gentle sex deserves? If this is what “2015” means – this licentiousness – better that it were 1915, or 1815. Better yet would be 1715, long before the topsy-turvy wicked wave of faithless harlotry swept over our society.

We grieve for the smiting that must inevitably ensue.

AF Sebben, Doctor of Religious Knowledge (in the True Faith)

[John_Bailey]

ha choo

[Petitbois]

As usual, JB has responded in depth with insight, intelligence and the wisdom that comes from being older and watching others work.
"ha choo" indeed!

Erin's answer to 'The Donald' has once again 'trumped' the Good Doctor, his cutting reply eviscerating each argument in turn.
Or maybe he just has a cold.
PB

*Try to sneeze into your sleeve, JB!

[John_Bailey]

[Petitbois]

BTW, Scourge,
Thanks for the timely reminder about fibre!
Moral or otherwise.

Though JB claims to get more than enough from the "whole wheat" cones* he consumes daily, it's common knowledge that his diet requires a little more 'ruffage around the hedges.'
(And if walking near the hedges, watch your step!)

In the spring he had that bad case of 'perniciousness' and for a long time it looked like the antibiotics were not going to help. But his increased moral fibre, which had all but disappeared when he joined the Mike Harris Movement in the late 90's, returned when he switched from the sugar Neo-Cone to a regular gluten-free whole wheat cone, liberally supplemented by nearly a kg of kale at every meal.

Now he's so regular that OET (Official Erin Time), is directly based on his stellar consistency.
And all due to the increase in his moral fibre!

So Scourge, it appears you can take much of the credit! You have no idea how much your sermons mean to him!
PB

*JB is slowing down a tad, but he still has several iScream cones with maple syrup at breakfast, a mid-morning cone/snack, a sampler of four flavours at lunch, two triple scoopers during Oprah, and a few more before bed to settle his stomach.
He has put on a few pounds.....but he carries his 125 lbs quite well!

PS: Apologies in advance, Scourge.
I just know that some responses to your rants will be addressed "Scrouge" or "Scrooge".

PPS: There is apparently some concern and possible misunderstanding surrounding the term "moral fibre'.
Some viewers were confusing moral fibre, what the Prime Minister apparently demonstrated when he vigorously denied any knowledge of Mike Duffy's cheque, with morel fibre, a widely distributed edible fungus that has a brown oval or pointed fruiting body with an irregular honeycombed surface bearing the spores.
The confusion is not surprising, since both are brown, odiferous, and hard to swallow!

[John_Bailey]

What ? Never understood a word he said but he had some mighty fine wine.

[Petitbois]

....singing...
Joy to the world, all the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me!

Saw them perform that as an encore in April last year in Myrtle.....
PB

ATTN: Right Reverend Scrooge:
Please feel free to insert your rant about godless music right here.[......]
Please shorten it until it fits the space.

[Mark Llew]

I don't know why, but when I read this eloquent pile of drivel, I thought at once of this video:

The Fugs

[FairyFootsteps]

PB ! Man-with-too-many-Ls ! Really !

You’re just encouraging this lunatic raving !

Better to reply as JB did – with incomprehensible gibberish.

Even better, however, would be to join Swahili and me at our weekly services and pray that the Light may finally touch the ‘good’ doctor.

While I’m on the subject… we haven’t seen either of you at our services for many months. And Light knows, your two souls are in desperate need of enlightenment, if the stories I’ve been hearing at our weekly coven meeting are anything to go by. It is not too late to tame your inner rogue (I’m looking at you, MWTMLs) or to learn some respect for the sacred mysteries of womankind (it’s you I’m looking at now, PB)

Fairy Footsteps in the Rain
High Priestess

[linda paul]

Sooooo, what about those Leafs?

[John_Bailey]

Next year, there's always next year.
As the good Doctor says never lose the faith.

[Mark Llew]

I don't know why, but when I read Fairy Footsteps' post, I thought of this video at once.

4 Swedish guys and a chanteuse

[Petitbois]

Mark, thanks for the uplifting, so to speak, link.....
That touching, heart-warming religious performance was part of the 2014 TRUE LIGHT international Convention in Lost Vegas, and celebrates the life of JB, in the song referred to as 'Jimmy Brown', but True Believers know it really to be about our own JB, rumoured to be a founding member. (That was before he lost his True Light faith, and switched over to Blue Light)

For those still struggling with their Rosetta Stone handbook to translate the Swedish version, here's the song in English, originally by the Browns, that hit #1 in 1959.

When you watch it a second time, think "John Bailey" whenever the pseudonym is used, and know that the little valley town is really Erin.

And remember: there is nothing that JB likes better than a blonde Erin girl in a flowered skirt, belting out a song with real religious fervour, backed up by four Believers in their Ceremonial Robes. (He's always been partial to a well-hung set of clappers swinging joyfully at the knees!)

And don't be saddened by the song.
(JB is not really dead, even if he may often appear to be.
Apparently FFitG was playing the funeral card in the hope it would increase the cash flow when the offertory plates came around.)

Translated, this is the life of our JB! What a tribute!!!

There's a village hidden deep in the valley
Among the pine trees half forlorn
And there on a sunny morning
Little Jimmy Brown was born

(bung, bung, bung, bung)
All the chapel bells were ringing in the little valley town
And the song that they were singing was for baby Jimmy Brown
Then the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
"Lead us not into temptation, bless this hour of meditation"
"Guide him with eternal love"

There's a village hidden deep in the valley
Beneath the mountains high above
And there, twenty years thereafter
Jimmy was to meet his love

(bung, bung, bung, bung)
All the chapel bells were ringing, 'twas a great day in his life
'cause the songs that they were singing was for Jimmy and his wife
Then the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
"Lead us not into temptation, bless, oh Lord this celebration"
"May their lives be filled with love"

From the village hidden deep in the valley
One rainy morning dark and gray
A soul winged its way to heaven
Jimmy Brown had passed away

(bung, bung, bung, bung)
Just a lonely bell was ringing in the little valley town
'twas farewell that it was singing to our little Jimmy Brown
And the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
"Lead us not into temptation, may his soul find the salvation"
"Of thy great eternal love"


Note: the use of 'bung, bung', when denoting the bell ringing, is in no way to be construed as an oblique reference to JB's recent intestinal troubles after over-indulging at the Erin Cheese Festival.
Such records are closed, but still binding.

[John_Bailey]

I got to hear Jim Ed Brown perform that song live 3 times before he died this past June. What a voice.

[Mark Llew]

Ah, Peeb...

We can always count on you for a PUNgent response or three !

[Petitbois]

"Mark, thanks for the uplifting, so to speak, link.....
That touching, heart-warming religious performance was part of the 2014 TRUE LIGHT international Convention in Lost Vegas, and celebrates the life of JB, in the song referred to as 'Jimmy Brown', but True Believers know it really to be about our own JB, rumoured to be a founding member. (That was before he lost his True Light faith, and switched over to Blue Light)"

It has been brought to my attention that the correct adjective above should read, "fondling member".....

Thanks for the correction, JB!

[ScourgeoftheFaithless]

We are sorely distressed that Mr. Mark Llew posted this video of four men making a mockery of the practices of the True Faith.

We shall pass over the fact that the men are beardless. That fault fades to nothing compared to their more egregious sin.

I refer to the participation of a FEMALE in this ceremony ! For shame ! For shame ! Truly the sacred rite has by virtue of this profanation actually invited the Evil One in, rather than chasing him away as the holy ritual is intended to do.

There can be no further warnings, Mr. Mark Llew ! Smiting is surely imminent.

In sorrow and outrage,
AF Sebben, DoRK (itTF)

[Petitbois]

We are sorely impressed that ...Blah Blah Blah of the True Faith.
We shall pass over the BLAH Blah and more Blah ....more egregious sin.
I refer to the participation of a HOT FEMALE in this ceremony ! For shame ! For shame ! Truly the sacred rite has by virtue ....Blah....Double D Blah....BS Blah, etc....
There can be no further warnings, Mr. Mark Llew ! Smiting is surely immigrant.
In sorrow and outrage,
AF Sebben, DoRK (itTF)

Dr. Dork, you are way over the top, threatening our friend like that!
Indeed JB and I are also outraged!
But...we have a favour to ask: If you do indeed proceed with the aforementioned 'smiting', which we think is uncalled for,
Would it be possible for us to watch??

[ScourgeoftheFaithless]

Mr so-called Petitbois, We have often had occasion to note your godless wanton outlook on life. Therefore it comes as no surprise to Us that you reveal yourself to be only quasi-literate, as evidenced by your referring to Us as "Dr. DoRK".

Only a little reflection, were you capable of such, would have allowed you to realize that you are addressing Us as Doctor Doctor. We shudder to think what other character flaws are yet to be revealed.

Aykay Fatwa Sebben, DoRK (itTF)

[Petitbois]

Mr so-called Prettyboys, We have often had occasion to note your gutless wonton outlook on Chinese food .Therefore it comes ass no Suplize!!! to Us that you reveal your beardless self to be only quasi-literal, as evidenced by your referring to the leading USA Republican candidate as a "DoRK".
Only a little inflection, were you capable of such, would half aloud you to realize that you are undressing Us as Doctor Doctor, Say it Twice, Say it Twice,what are you a parrot, a parrot? We shudder uncontrollably to think what other flaws are yet to be revealed, should the sash on YOUR white bathrobe slip a tad!
Ahoy Fatboy Sebben, Ima DoRK (itTF, DDT, IBM, HMS Pinafore)


Okay, Fatty Seven, Dorkus Supremus,

I suppose you love Robert Palmer's 1979 lyric, "Doctor, Doctor, give me the news", when you do your daily 'Mirror ,Mirror on the Wall' consultation, squinting into the tri-paned makeup mirror that your cloaked wife, should you ever find one, would never get to use.

"Quasi" is all I aim for these days, but it is warming to realize that I am capable of eliciting a shudder response. I admit difficulty sometimes separating my opinion of you from the social convention of addressing you- hence the double D salutation.....
and I admit I have always been partial to Double D's!

Following your advice, I set up a mirror for more reflection....character flaws are my strong suit!

But it is a bit of a quandary, determining how to address a singular person whose aberrant self-image includes telling indicators of Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I must admit I am curious:
When you shop, do you buy two sackcloth tunics, one for each of "Us"?
Is it confusing in the morning, trying to sort out the lefts from the rights in the pile of 'multiple' shoes?
Do you book two or more seats when you reserve a table at your favourite Goat-a-teria?
When you get particularly agitated/angry, are you literally 'beside yourself' in your fury?
How do you make decisions when the disparate voices in your head are in disagreement? Majority rule?
Do you revel in being called "FourEyes", because it acknowledges the 'Royal We'?
Do you refer to yourself in plural form because, as your bathroom scales attest, you have major difficulty pushing away from the dinner table?
Or do you simply continue to struggle with correct usage of personal pronouns, often the most difficult part of mastering a new language?

Good luck with your therapy! ......Whatever treatment regimen you choose.
PB

[John_Bailey]

Must have put the Motorcycle an Boat in storage for the winter.

[Petitbois]

Sadly, yes, JB...but with this weather, I could easily get out the Beemer for a short ride.
Much warmer just playing here.

[Petitbois]

Double D,
As you may be aware, or not, you are suffering a bit of an underwhelming response to your exhortations...a credibility gap. You are always so negative, and people don't want to listen to doomsayers...we have politicians for that. (No wonder FFitG gets such big turnouts at her .....er.....freelove 'sessions')

Most of your tomes contain threats of 'smiting'. Indeed, you seem to revel in your dire incantations, like a GOP presidential candidate.
I would suggest that, to be taken seriously, you need to give some concrete examples of when your 'smite threats' actually occurred. Providing such proof will significantly support your warnings to 'repent' and change behaviours.

Most of our readers are aware of the Biblical warnings that Pharaoh received from Moses if he didn't let the Isrealites leave Egypt....and the resultant plague/'smitings': water turning into blood, frogs, lice, wild animals, diseased livestock, boils, hail and fire storms, locusts, darkness, and even the death of firstborn children. Now, those smitings brought results!

So ASAP post a list of persons and groups and politicians whom you have warned, and detail the resultant 'smite' that followed for those who failed to modify their behaviour.

Your list will no doubt be far less dramatic, but will go a long way to put your money where your mouth is.
Without it, you will be seen as nothing more than a bag of foul wind, and should seriously consider seeking another line of work.
Maybe Uber is hiring.

[Petitbois]

"So ASAP post a list of persons and groups and politicians whom you have warned, and detail the resultant 'smite' that followed for those who failed to modify their behaviour.
Your list will no doubt be far less dramatic, but will go a long way to put your money where your mouth is.
Without it, you will be seen as nothing more than a bag of foul wind, and should seriously consider seeking another line of work."

Supreme Dork,
Thank you for your private message response to my request, above.

However, nothing you have listed is very dramatic or inclined to put the fear of the Lord into our GTOL community.

Local examples you provided:
A 'grievous' sinner dumped a Tim Horton's double double in the car.
A consultant had to pay an additional penalty on her income tax.
A housewife burned the family roast while talking on the phone to her sister.
A truck driver cut his chin shaving off his Movember foliage.
A Glen Williams resident can't seem to lose 10 lbs.
A Welsh disbeliever's home in Toronto went cold when he mysteriously ran out of peat.
An Erin entremanure was forced to turn over his dairy-based business, become even more sedentary, and watch Oprah reruns all day.
(The examples quoted here have been sanitized...their names removed to protect their identities.)

Regardless, it seems, being smitten by a Dork isn't much of a threat.

(Hmmm...wonder if FFitR's coven of hags and misfits might be able to drop a smite or two on you? She has POWER!
A few eyes of newt, a dead rat, double bubble, and Dork has TROUBLE! Better watch your step!)

[ScourgeoftheFaithless]

Mr Petitbois, We are not amused by this childish, untruthful attempt to tweak Our whiskers.

Your posting contains the usual egregious errors, the latest in a long and tiresome list of such. You mention “being smitten by the Dork”. First, it is ‘DoRK’, not ‘Dork’. Second, We are A DoRK, not THE DoRK. Third, the smiting does not come from Us, as you suggest, but from Above — surely this is obvious, even to such as you?

Also, in Our missive to you We specifically and clearly noted that those examples, which you yourself provided in your usual insolent way, were NOT examples of smiting. As We told you, they are merely the pitfalls and tribulations to be expected to ensue from the reckless, thoughtless and flibbertigibbet behaviour indulged in by the godless rabble.

As We pointed out to you, you will KNOW smiting when it shall happen to you. We Ourselves would not presume to imagine what form the smiting from Above will take. To do so would be blasphemy.

Aykay F Sebben, DoRK (itTF)