Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

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Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Mark Llew » Mon Jul 12, 2010 3:03 pm

I’ve just returned from the annual Dwile Flonking World Pot. Our side fared creditably, but were not the winners. Still, I personally was red-carded twice in the first snurd of the last bout, a new record, and was cited in the official report of the tournament for excessive rowdiness, so it was not a complete waste of time. However, it does mean that I will have to sit out next year’s tournament.

In that final bout, we got off to a quick start. In our first snurd, I managed six hits for 11 points not counting one that was called back because of allegedly flonking an ‘illegal’ dwile, and assisted on two others. However in their snurd the other side surged back to within one point, relying on a series of distasteful tactics. Absurdly, I was given a red card for my efforts to convince the other side that it would be to their advantage to play in a more sportsmanlike manner. Even more absurdly, after I pointed out to the jobanowl his error in red-carding me, the other side convinced him to issue a second red card. Their obsequious ‘concern’ for the ref does them no credit whatsoever.

After the Saint John’s chaps had left, the bout resumed but our side could not overcome the handicap of playing one man short. Plus, the jobbo made several more dubious calls, excusing himself afterwards by moaning about his swollen eye. Wuss. Traditionally, a dull-witted fellow is chosen as jobanowl (this year, it was Jester) but there should be limits. In any event, from that point on our Welsh side’s game deteriorated – despite vigorous coaching from the side-lines, our chaps forgot their training, quaffed too deeply from the gazunder, and quickly lost focus. The upside was that there were no end-of-game-sobriety penalties for Wales. Mind you, there never are.

We should have guessed that there would be problems with a partisan jobbo right at the outset, at the determination of who would flonk first. Knocking out our star player with the initial turnip flonk is an unheard-of disgrace. We will be pushing for a rule change to prevent the jobanowl in future from imbibing from the gazunder before the bout. This will of course make it more difficult to find a referee, but we would be willing to compromise on some definition of non-excessive pre-bout imbibing.

Some of the media are nattering about the ‘thuggish’ Welsh team of 2010 in comparison to the Total Flonking teams of the past, but we are holding our heads high that we upheld the honour of Cymru (most of us, anyway, and the others will too after they regain consciousness). We’ll be back even stronger in 2011 for the World Pot in Erin.
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Petitbois » Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:52 pm

Like many other readers here, I was surprised (somewhat) by themanwithtoomanyLL's Dwile Flonking post.
After a careful read, I assumed that I should put most emphasis on this being a 'World Pot final', and supposed that our esteemed friend was reacting badly to some new medication..... hence his confusion and peculiar vocabulary, even allowing for his Welshit roots.

However, I was astounded to discover that indeed, Dwile Flonking is a semi-legitimate neanderthal activity, and our Celtic peat-smoker was NOT blitzed out of his wee gourd when he posted the story above.
The game starts with the members of the girter dancing in one direction, whilst the flonker spins the opposite way round. The flonker flonks the dwile at the opposing team, by snagging it from the bucket with the driveller, and flicking it backwards over his head, and trying to hit one of the people in the girter. Scores are based on the part of the body hit by the dwile

Head shot (known as a wanton) - 3 points
Body shot (known as a marther or a morther) - 2 points
Leg shot (known as a ripple or a ripper) - 1 point

A miss is known as swage and two swages equals pot. If you are unfortunate enough to pot you must down a pint from the bucket before the dwile can be passed round the girter, and the next member of the team steps up to play. When all the team members have played their turn , the two sides switch places and start all over again. Each rotation is known as a snurd, and there are two snurds per side in a game. To keep the game interesting, the umpire randomly switches the direction of the dancing, and levies drinking fines on those not taking the game seriously enough. The main aim of this pastime seems to be to get as many people as drunk as possible.**


Think it's all a hoax?
Think it's a figment of his over-ripe imagination, a turgid tummy reacting to a bit of undigested cheese, as it were, or an Erin-induced 4 lb Rollo SugarCone, gone horribly bad?
Then read any or all of these links.
http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/content/.../story.aspx?brand

Beer banned from dwile flonking championship - General News ...
http://www.morningadvertiser.co.uk/news.ma/article/87226

http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/2010/05/political-correctness-meets-dwile.html

http://times.cluster.newsint.co.uk/tol/comment/leading_article/article7140439.ece

Here you can even view a video of the game in progress.
http://www.wpafilmlibrary.com/.../dwile_flonking...dwile_flonking.../2ff186d2-%205b59-fe2f-1abc-b04b96f968bf.html

Sadly, however, I'm afraid that extensive research suggests that themanwithtoomanyLL's was a tad hyperbolic when describing his role in the Welsh demise.
He said " In our first snurd, I managed six hits for 11 points not counting one that was called back because of allegedly flonking an ‘illegal’ dwile, and assisted on two others."
That is only partially true. It WAS an illegal dwile (a dishcloth soaked in the beer pot and thrown via the driveller). It seems that Llew had substituted an old and well-worn tattered pair of gauchies that had once girded his own loins, hoping to strike an opponent in the face and add real insult to possible injury, and injecting a new flavour to the eventual penalty of imbibing from the chamber pot where it had been soaking.

That self-promotion aside, I join in wishing the Welshits team better luck in the 2011 tournament, and can now better understand why Welsh sheep are nervous.
This game is much more exciting than watching the Maple Leafs perpetually fall......
**Who knows: it might be just the type of event to spice up next year's Canada Day celebrations in the Glen!
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Al Darby » Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:12 pm

And here I thought nothing could be more convoluted in its playing rules than Cricket ... Clearly I was wrong. :headbang: :noooo:
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Girls just wanna have flonk

Postby Swahili » Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:04 pm

Mark, although ordinarily a sweet boy, is as usual glossing over his misdeeds and I’m very miffed with him. I should never have let him talk me into playing on his Dwile Flonking team.

“Come on, Swahili,” he said. “Don’t be such a party pooper. You’ll have a lot of fun. You’ll meet some nice new guys, and besides we need a sixth or we’ll have to play short-handed.”

Ha !

“Fairy Footsteps and I have plans already.”

“Bring her along. She’ll have fun too. And she can be our trainer for the night.”

Ha !

I must admit, it WAS fun – at first. But then when I was at bat (I don’t know what the right Dwile Flonking term is and I DON’T CARE ! ) Mark said to me “Why don’t you go for a wanton. If you can pull it off, we’ll be in the lead.”

Well, it was a natural misunderstanding on my part, so I was quite put out when I was given a yellow card for illegally distracting the other team. :oops: But then the guys on the other team told the ref that they would waive the yellow card, that it would be sufficient punishment if the ref kept my T-shirt and I had to keep on playing without it for the rest of the match.

At that point, in a sista-ly gesture of solidarity, Fairy Footsteps took HER T-shirt off. Right away the other team said for both of us to put our shirts back on and for the ref to give me the yellow card after all.

Fairy Footsteps did not take that well ! :disbelief: It took Mark and John and Jester to pull her off the guy who said it. Luckily a bunch of fireman calling themselves the Society for the Prevention of Discourtesy to Cougars asked FF to sit with them, clothing optional. So it all ended well. Thank the Light for firemen – what would we do without them !
:cheer:

But that doesn’t let you off the hook, Mark ! Fairy Footsteps will be taking note of you in the weekly spell-casting workshop, so if I were you I’d make myself scarce. Until after, say, the equinox service.

Swahili,
Handmaiden in the Light :wink:
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Mark Llew » Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:43 am

An interesting footnote to this sports discussion…

I had said that there are never any points lost by Wales for sobriety. This turns out not to be quite true. On one occasion a Muslim filled in for one of our players and on another occasion it was a Seventh-Day Adventist. Both devout, unfortunately. Finally, we had a Baptist on the team for part of a season. He later became a non-Baptist, and is now captain of the Glen Williams team. This type of thing is regrettable, but it’s the price of having a policy of inclusiveness.
:amen:

Speaking of Glen Williams… I was absolutely staggered to find out that they have gone an amazing 94 Dwile Flonking games without once losing a single point for sobriety ! ! ! ! This astounding streak will likely never be beaten.

I asked Peeb how they managed to accomplish this feat. He said that it’s simple: when someone is being considered for the Glen team, the team always conducts a lengthy interview in the Crooked Shepherd. If the applicant can still speak at the end of the interview he or she ipso facto (Peeb’s own words, amazingly) fails to meet the minimum physical requirements. A simple but brilliant, not to say elegant, solution. I feel chastened that the Glen players, of all people should have had the wit to come up with this idea.
:drunk:
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby John_Bailey » Sat Apr 22, 2017 7:28 am

That's what happens when you get old. Seven years later you finish your thought.
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby FairyFootsteps » Sat Apr 22, 2017 9:28 am

Mark, reading your latest post creates a misleading picture of the Glen team. You make it sound like the Glen team is good at dwile flonking. The truth is way different! I was at one of their games last year, and true enough the entire team was falling down drunk, so they didn't lose any points. But they were so incompetent that they also didn't have any points to lose!

To me the explanation is simple. It's their "minimum standards" that David is so proud of and that you think are so wonderful.

While I'm on this topic, I remember quite clearly one of the games when the "Baptist" played on the Welsh team. You ended up with a score of -1. I notice that you didn't mention that.
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Petitbois » Sat Apr 22, 2017 7:31 pm

Mark Llew wrote:An interesting footnote to this sports discussion…

I had said that there are never any points lost by Wales for sobriety. Blah blah blah.......

Speaking of Glen Williams… I was absolutely staggered to find out that they have gone an amazing 94 Dwile Flonking games without once losing a single point for sobriety ! ! ! ! This astounding streak will likely never be beaten.

I asked Peeb how they managed to accomplish this feat. He said that it’s simple: ......she ipso facto (Peeb’s own words, amazingly) fails to meet the minimum physical requirements. A simple but brilliant, not to say elegant, solution. I feel chastened that the Glen players, of all people should have had the wit to come up with this idea.
:drunk:


We Glennites cling to the time proven adage:
Only a worm can't fall down!
However, Llew can.
And frequently does.
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Re: Wales defeated while Flonking a sheep

Postby Petitbois » Sat Apr 22, 2017 9:22 pm

Petitbois wrote:
Mark Llew wrote:An interesting footnote to this sports discussion…

He said that it’s simple: ......she ipso facto (Peeb’s own words, amazingly) fails to meet the minimum physical requirements.


That is NOT what I said!
I said, "She's tipsy, Weirdo!"

But he still couldn't get a date!
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Re: Wales defeated in Dwile Flonking World Pot final

Postby Mark Llew » Sat Apr 22, 2017 10:27 pm

John_Bailey wrote:That's what happens when you get old. Seven years later you finish your thought.

John, John, John -- such an exaggerator! It's only been 6 years and 9 months! Shame on you!

:nono:
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Re: Wales defeated while Flonking a sheep

Postby Mark Llew » Sat Apr 22, 2017 10:29 pm

Petitbois wrote:[That is NOT what I said!
I said, "She's tipsy, Weirdo!"

But he still couldn't get a date!


I stand by my original statement Peeb, and I have the tape!



(watch it or I'll reveal the rest of what's on the tape)
:lmao:
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